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Common excuses for domestic violence

If you're a victim of domestic violence, your partner may try to make excuses for their behavior. This is often done in an effort to manipulate you, perhaps to influence you to refrain from getting a protective order when you need one or to keep you in the relationship.

It's important to know what these excuses are so that you don't fall for them. A few common ones include:

  • Your partner claims that they just care about you so much that they try to control you for your own good.
  • Your partner blames the abuse on outside factors -- like alcohol or drug use -- and vows that it will not happen again. They stress that their actions did not reflect who they really are or how they feel about you.
  • Your partner says that it was your fault because you started the conflict or caused it in some way. They shift the blame off of themselves.
  • Your partner blames it on their own upbringing, saying they saw these types of incidents as a child.
  • Your partner blames issues like PTSD or other mental complications, saying they are not in control of their own actions.

Some of these excuses may very well be true. Your partner may have PTSD or struggle with alcohol addiction, for instance. That can play a role in the abusive behavior.

However, you should never take that as a reason why you can't protect yourself. You do not deserve this treatment, no matter why it happens. Make sure you understand the options that you have, which may include divorce or restraining orders.

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